How to parent kids and teens in training sessions

This is an issue for your lead coach to address.

If the boy's father is paid by the club as a coach, but refuses to work appropriately with others, then the club should stop paying him. He's not fulfilling his role.

There's a kid I coach who is similar (his dad is a good player), but he's learning to be respectful. Maybe they just act out because they feel pressured.

 

Seems like something that should be brought up to the club's manager.

 

Nothing more to add. If there already are kids that have left the club due to this issue, I am more than sure that your club manager or lead coach will react. No club can afford to lose junior members this way.

 

100% daily soap!

I see only two possibilities:
1) Be the snitch and risk to cause some unpleasant situations and trouble in the club (not recommended)

2) Conspire with the 2nd coach (well... just speak to her openly about your concerns), and then the two of you can try to take some extra care for the other kids to minimize the frustration caused by "the dad". But keep on treating his kids normally - they are not the right ones to blame. He will most likely then focus even more on his kids which would show the problem even more obviously.

And if the situation is as obvious as you have described it already, it has for sure also been noticed by a lot of others in the club. And normally, things like that are being sorted out somehow over time. With the existing bond to your lead coach, I don't see an easy way to get rid of him quickly and save your club some wasted money...

 

I don't think I'd be helping out in this situation.

The lead coach asked you to help out, right? But it's his relative (the other coach) that's spending more time on his own kid than the others. If he's getting paid to do that, and you're voluntarily doing part of his job (I'm assuming it's voluntary given that you aren't qualified), then you're being taken advantage of by your club.

If they aren't paying you, then they sound highly unprofessional, and it sounds like they're using you. I would be quite upset at the situation for more reasons than you've listed.

I don't think it's worth conspiring against them. Raise the issue with the lead coach that invited you, and say that you're dissatisfied with the current situation. If they then get aggressive or nasty towards you, just stop doing it, it wouldn't be worth the effort to contest.

 

Simple really... no confrontation needed.

The dad coach wants to coach only his kids? Let him. He's getting paid to only coach his kids? Let the club decide whether that's fair or not.

You and the other coach will have to take up the responsibility to coach all the other kids.

If anyone asks why this is happening this way, tell them to talk to the head coach.

 

You know the kids that are leaving? Offer to train them for same fees at different time.

 

If that other coach (and the head coach) has a good name (e.g. well known player), and people are paying for their names, hoping the training would reflect that, they may be disappointed, and may take their kids else where.

I've an impression you're in Singapore, where badminton is very popular. If these kids don't go to your club, they could probably train in another club near by. I don't think you need to worry about it. Ultimately, that head coach (and presumably this other parent coach) would have to pay for it. Perhaps the club too.

If you care enough about the club, or the head coach, you could talk to the owner/head-coach about the situation. If not, let it be. After all, you're not even paid to coach.

 

May not be a good idea? As it may be viewed as being underhanded in "stealing" students away, even though it may be for the better and intentions are honourable.

 

From what I see of your posts, you are a person with integrity. Maintain this level of integrity and work with the system as best as you can. Do not get tempted into the politics or the dirty backend, it rarely ends well.

Be above reproach as a player and as a coach. Provide a quality and superior service and mold those you teach to become not just better players, but also better citizens. By being true and consistent, you can even win over those that appear to be against you. I say appear because sometimes their intent may not be malicious, just misguided.

All things eventually come into the light, often by themselves, for all to see. If you try too hard to pull it out, you might get crap on your hands too...

 

Sometimes you need to be like the willow tree, but sometimes the oak. Where you draw the line...

 

If it was me I would welcome frank discussions where some 'home truths' would be said. A spade gets called a spade. But I know things are much more two-faced the further east you go.

Tbh, my opinion is that if the op is not being proactive in fixing the issue, then he is complicit. He should say/do something. He knows this, but doesn't want to 'snitch'. It's not snitching, it's pointing out that someone is not operating in the best interest of club, is violating the power of their position, is eschewing paid-for members, is espousing pseudo-nepotism.

$h!t or get off the can!

 

Is there someone above the lead coach? Like the club manager or something? You could drop an anonymous letter or phone call explaining the situation.

I manage several small inns and I know first hand how damaging this camaraderie between employees can be. For example, there were a case of stealing by one senior employee where the other less senior employees just...kept quiet...even though the stealing directly lessen all of their bonuses. The things that I need to know didn't get through to me until it was too late.

 

Well, why not just concentrate on coaching the kids regardless of whose kid, I think there would be less conflict of interest. Managing a club is difficult and so is coaching uncooperative kids.

I believe you can be happier working with kids who want to improve. Badminton for kids is about fun and interest. Build on that so that you can continue to bring them to the next level.

Maybe one day, more kids would like to train under you rather than the other more credential coaches.

I suggest you leave the managing part of the club to the lead coach and concentrate on the kids under your wings. I believe you are going through all these because of your love for badminton and want to share it with others. Focus on the postive things and don't let those small trival matters bother you.

Best of luck.

 

I agree with the suggestions I am hearing here. You are in a difficult situation, and I am glad to hear you are not content.

I personally believe that you should act in the way that lets you sleep easiest at night - you have to trust your instincts.

Firstly, an observation: the father is clearly irrational about his kids. Do not try to rationalise anything with him or plan action as if it will "work" - it will be a lost cause. So just try to leave him out of all your plans.

If the head coach will not do anything, then I would suggest that you go to the head coach and say something like this (this is my personal view - it may not sit well with you but is what would allow me to believe I have done all I can):
You feel that one coach is not behaving impartially towards the entire group, and is showing a degree of favouritism, whether they realise it or not. Some parents of children who no longer come to the session have been in contact with you and have revealed that they took the actions of this coach to be offensive or in some way negative for their children. You intend to try to bridge the gap by working with all the other children who are being neglected. You will take it upon yourself to make sure they have a good experience every session and that they continue to learn and progress.

The reason I suggest this is twofold:
1. you are stating the truth. But you are not criticizing. This is important - do not cast a judgement on the other coach, but do state the situation as you see it. The head coach can start to observe for himself to see if what you say is true - you are not telling him what to do, you are just giving him your honest evaluation of the session. You are also giving feedback from those parents, but again without directly criticizing anyone. It is a fine line to draw - the truth without any criticism.
2. you are going to the head coach with a solution and a plan of action - you see there is a problem and you have told him your intention to solve it. He surely can't complain with you saying you are going to help people and that you are going to help the ones who are struggling more than others.

In my view, the importance here is the combination of a non judgemental truth and going in with a solution, rather than "grenade chucking" - if you go in with only a problem, then the other person is forced to come up with a solution or else "deal" with it in some way. However, if you go in and state, factually, what you have seen and been told, and tell him how you intend to resolve the issue, the only thing the coach can do is disagree with your plan...

Good luck to you! I do not envy you your situation.

 

Matt, you're always so wise and well reasoned!

 

I feel like have just read a lesson from Yoda himself. Only with better grammar...