How many badminton players does it take to convince any doubters that badminton is the best racket sport there is? Ten is enough to squash their arguments.
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and unable to speak English or any other language for that matter, looks at the barman, shits on the floor and walks out.
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $200.00. That's why, in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Scientists have been exploring ways of making snails move faster by removing their shells. Early trials suggest it just makes them sluggish.
A guy is walking his dog in the woods when he finds a suitcase, and hears noises from inside. He carefully opens it, finds it full of kittens, and immediately phones RSPCA. He tells the operator 'I've found a suitcase full of kittens' She asks 'Are they moving?' The guy replies 'Well, it would explain the suitcase...'
I went into a jewellers and said to the assistant 'I'd like to buy a watch' He asked 'Analogue?' I said 'No, just a watch'
A guy goes into a library, and the librarian asks 'Can I help you?' 'Yes' he says, 'I'm looking for books about turtles' She asks 'Hardbacks?' He says 'Yes, with really small heads'
A piece of liquorice and a coconut go into a nightclub and a bouncer stops them at the door and says 'We don't just let all sorts in here...'
My Last Job Interview OFFICER:- What is your name? Me :- M.P. sir OFFICER:- In full please Me:- Marvin Paul OFFICER:- Your father's name? Me:- M.P. sir OFFICER:- What does that mean? Me:- Martin Paul OFFICER:- What is your qualification? Me:- M.P. OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!! Me:- Maths and Physics OFFICER:- So why do you need a job? Me:- It is because of M.P. sir OFFICER: Meaning? Me:- Money Problem OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like? Me: MP sir. OFFICER: And what is that? Me:- Marvelous Personality OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you. Me:- Sir, how was M.P. sir? OFFICER:- And what's that again? Me:- My Performance. OFFICER:- I think you have M.P. Me:- What’s that? OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!! Don't laugh alone. Send this to M.P. (Many People) those are saved in your M.P. (Mobile Phone) to put a smile on their faces. Visit extreme-power.org I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My People)
My wife went into the lingerie department and said to the assistant 'I'd like to buy some knickers'. The assistant asked 'Satin?' and my wife said 'No, new ones'.
Did something stupid last night... I rubbed baked beans into my eyes. But then, Heinz sight's a great thing...
i have not heard that many great things about Switzerland but i did hear that their flag was a big plus.
